Habits of the Mind: Listen with Understanding and Empathy

Communication is a two way street.  Someone needs to speak and someone else needs to listen, really listen with understanding and empathy.  Too often we hear the words, apply our own thoughts and experiences to them, and then react or respond to what we’ve translated.  When you take the time to listen with understanding and empathy you keep your own agenda and understanding at bay and focus in on the communicators expression of his/her truth and experience.  When we do this, we are “seeking first to understand” which is part of Covey’s guidelines for effectiveness. In his course he shares that when we hear without understanding it is much like putting on a pair of glasses with corrections that do not fit our needs.  No matter how hard we try to see it through this lens, we will not really grasp the real picture.  Until we listen not just with our ears but with our hearts as well we will miss the message that is being sent to us.

When we listen with understanding and empathy we need to check in with the person speaking to be sure that we are grasping the message correctly.  We can do that by saying, “So what I’m hearing you say…” or asking a clarifying question or requesting more information.  When we share our understanding of what was said we give the speaker the opportunity to clarify further.  Our language is so loaded with nuance and experiential understandings, that this clarification will often broaden our perceptions as well as deepen our understanding of others.

At Consult 4 Kids we want all youth workers to be positive role models and mentors for the youth they work with.  We have a comprehensive Staff Development Program that supports the progress of both frontline staff and site coordinators.  Check out our revamped website at www.consultfourkids.com

Habits of the Mind—Managing Impulsivity

There is a big difference to my way of thinking between impulsivity and the phrase “carpe diem” credited to Horace in 23 BC.  This phrase, “carpe diem”, translates into “seize the day”.  In the film, Dead Poet’s Society, the professor John Keating encourages, “Seize the day, boys.  Make your life extraordinary.”  The notion of impulsivity on the other hand speaks to acting out of whim—with little or no forethought.  While “seize the day” is proactive, impulsivity is reactive and learning to live in a proactive state helps all of use accomplish our goals.

We often tell people when they are angry to “Stop.  Count to 10”.  This is good advice in helping us to learn to manage our impulsivity.  If we would just “stop” and consider we would be in better shape.  When we “act in haste” we often are required to “repent in leisure”.  For example, have you noticed how when you start to look for a new car it is easy to pick the car that attracts you only to find out after we’ve signed on the dotted line that we didn’t get the best deal or, even more distressing, picked the wrong car altogether.  It is so easy to feel that sense of urgency to act that we do not manage our impulsivity and regret the action almost immediately.

When you think about the decision we make, we tend to make those decisions based on emotions (which can certainly lead us to being impulsive) and then begin to rationalize that decision based on logic.  When we do this we are not managing impulsivity we are simply justifying it.  Learning to step back and consider will allow us and youth to be happier with our decisions.

Building relationships with others is one place we need to apply managing our impulsivity.  Getting to know a person well takes time.  Learn strategies for building strong relationships through Consult 4 Kids Virtual Education.  Check us out by logging into www.consultfourkids.com and beginning your journey by clicking on the icon on the top right-hand corner of the website.

Habits of the Mind—Persistence

Persistence is one of those habits that we need to help young people develop.  Persistence is labeled as resiliency in Youth Development circles.  Persistence is the ability to keep on, keeping on.  It is important that this persistence is proactive and that the situations youth find themselves in are analyzed to determine which “next steps” make the most sense. 

We can share stories with youth to help them understand the idea of persistence.  Two that come to mind include the Tortoise and the Hare and The Little Engine That Could.  In both of these stories the notion of “slow and steady wins the race” and “go slow to go fast” ultimately carry the day.  It is important that youth understand this concept.  There are other expressions that also speak to persistence.  “No pain, no gain” is one of those and can certainly speak to youth who are interested in sports.  Think about the Olympic athletes who train for years in order to get to the Olympics, and certainly getting to Olympics is only a part of the strategy they will have to employee to be successful.  An expression that speaks to both persistence and the importance of collaboration is “many hands make hard work light”.  Helping youth to understand that persistence does not have to be a singular pursuit, can also make persisting more appealing. 

The final thought about persistence is captured in this phrase, “from adversity—steel”.  Persistence requires us to work hard, to face adversity and tough times, and move forward anyway.  Persistence helps to build the character of the individual—without it, we would not be nearly so fortunate.

Consult 4 Kids encourages you to share your story of persistence with us.  We would love to highlight you through our Guest Spotlight.  Send your story along with a picture to support@consultfourkids.com

Thinking and Communicating with Clarity and Precision

Lack of communication is one of the biggest complaints we have both personally and professionally.  Individuals, small enterprises and large businesses all face challenges with communication.  Part of this is because communication is hard work and is so much more than simply speaking or writing something for others to hear or read.

When we want to communicate clearly and precisely, it is important that we understand the Cycle of Communication.  You can see this cycle in the graphic below.

Communication begins when we have the need to share something, a feeling that we have something that others need to know.  We then work to translate that desire to share or “feeling” into words so we bring it to our brain to process.  Our brain puts words to those feelings and then our mouth speaks the words.  Most of us think that the words then go to another person’s ears, but rather those words go into a milieu of circumstances that we have little or no control over.  Actually once communication has left our mouth we have limited control over it.  Our communication leaves the pool of circumstances and then goes to another person’s ears which send them to the brain who translates them into a “feeling.”  No wonder communication is so difficult.  There are so many places for the communication to get twisted or lose meaning.

If we are to communicate with clarity and precision it is important to follow-up our communication with conversation and checking for understanding.  The question for us needs to be, “Is the message I meant to send the one they received and processed?”  It’s not about putting a spin on our communication, but really being sure the message was correctly received.

Consult 4 Kids has several staff development and training options that are available to staff 24/7/365.  This system affords you an opportunity to establish common language and understanding which creates a solid foundation for clear communication.  Check us out at www.consultfourkids.com or by contacting us at support@consultfourkids.com

Applying Past Knowledge to New Situations

What would our lives be like if we, like Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates, had to begin all over every day?  Can you imagine how many blisters you would have if you had to learn about the concept of “hot” every 24 hours?  And how would we know how to read, speak, write, cook or anything else?  Of course it was not that extreme for the Barrymore character, she had only just become frozen in time and from a single point could not remember anything that had occurred in the past 24 hours.  Even that condition would be severely limiting.  The ability to make connections is critical for each and every one of us. 

Helping youth to make those connections between the most current experience and something they have already learned or experienced is what allows us to progress, to think critically, and to be innovating and imagining.  When we apply past knowledge to a new situation it helps us to experience things more fully.  Whether it is something as simple as learning that a new shirt can go with a variety of shorts in our closet, or that Newton’s first Law explains how shooting a basketball can consistently end in 2 points, those connection points matter.Learning to predict outcomes helps life run more smoothly.

Consult 4 Kids has an amazing and comprehensive staff development program that helps afterschool professionals make the connections between how they interact with youth and the behaviors youth exhibit.  For more information go to our website at www.consultfourkids.com or contact us at support@consultfourkids.com  

Gather Data through All Your Senses

We use our senses—sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell—to experience the world.  These senses are what grounds us and allows us to observe and understand the world around us.  In our world today we rely heavily on sight and sound, yet the other three senses can add depth to our understanding.  Think about someone like Helen Keller who was denied both sight and hearing at a very early age and so experienced the world through touch, smell, and taste.  She learned to speak through words signed in her hand and in that way was able to participate in experiences which helped her learn.  When we use our senses we have firsthand knowledge of something rather than only vicarious opportunities to learn. 

Our senses help us to gather data—not right or wrong data simply data that we then classify in different ways.  For example I might describe the taste of calamari as yucky or chewy while someone else might describe it as delicious and spicy.  The data we collect through our senses connect us with past experience, and we connect with others when we try to share or communicate the information we have gathered with them. 

So how do we support youth in using their senses?  We certainly ask them about things they have seen and heard—this seems relatively effortless.  The third thing we ask is how something “feels,” although this usually refers to an emotion rather than a tactile experience.  We help youth to focus on smell and taste far less often.  When we guide youth in experiencing the world with wonderment and awe, maybe part of that experience is asking how things smell and taste.  Recently I was at a building that experienced a gas leak.  The people talked about the taste the gas left them with.  This is interesting and of course relevant since you couldn’t see, hear or touch the gas, and so they experienced it with taste. 

We need to help youth strengthen the use of all of their senses so they can fully experience the world around them and make observations that help them make connections. 

Do you need support with staff so they can help youth experience the world fully?  At Consult 4 Kids our first Sci-Gineering module focuses on using your senses to observe and then make those connections to prior knowledge.  Check out Sci-Gineering by going to our website at www.consultfourkids.com or contacting us at support@consultfourkids.com

Creating, Imagining, and Innovating

Creating, imagining, and innovating are supported when we foster divergent thinking.  Divergent thinking is the ability to think “outside the box.”  It means that we value it when youth think for themselves instead of operating on the “lemming principle.”  There is a movie that came out in the 1989, Dead Poet’s Society.  In this movie the teacher encourages youth to seize the day.  In one scene the students are moving around with the exception of one who is standing very still.  The character states, “I’m exercising the right not to walk.”  In other words, he was exercising divergent thinking.  This is something we need to encourage.  Rather than the conformity mentality—everyone doing the same thing at the same time in the same way, let’s ask youth to create, imagine, and innovate.  Let’s ask questions like, “What are 15 things you could do with a brick?” or “What are 20 things you could make out of Legos other than a simple building?” or “What could you design and create with a 3 D printer?” or “How can hydroponics be a viable option for food production?” 

There are people out there asking and answering these questions.  They are people who don’t just see things like they are but ask, “How might this be different or better?”  We need to encourage youth to think in this way and ask those questions.  Our young people are facing a world that is yet to be invented and will change countless times during their adult lives.  Change is a fact of life. So let’s help youth learn to do something amazing with the intellect and imagination they have. 

Divergent thinkers see possibilities and opportunities.  They have a mindset that asks.”What’s going on here?” and “How can we make it better?”  They look to find a number of solutions to the challenges they encounter.  They imagine a time when this would work perfectly. They seldom think of things as one and done.  Ask yourself where would the auto industry be if Henry Ford’s Model T was still the only auto you could buy?  Or how informed would we be if you could still only get one channel on your TV, and that one was only live from 6:00-8:00 at night?  Or…you fill in the blanks.  Divergent thinking broadens horizons and helps us all to see the world differently.

Check us out at www.consultfourkids.com and see how you may participate in a growing company in ways you have never considered.